December 1, 2009 by hudsonhongo
It’s been a long one, hasn’t it?
If you didn’t catch it, Bygone Bureau ran some of my humor last Monday: I See That You’ve Noticed My Cape.
I’ve also started writing for Oregon Music News, a resource that promises to solve your boredom needs more comprehensively. If you’ve ever found yourself flipping through three different papers looking for shows, I’d suggest you check OMN out.
Working on one other project that should be pretty rad if it all pans out. Let’s keep it our little secret until then.
Posted in Blog, Humor | Leave a Comment »
November 21, 2009 by hudsonhongo
Narrowing it down to ten movies, albums, books, comics and television shows I can name as my favorite. No asterisks, no ties. Continue Reading »
Posted in Lists | 3 Comments »
November 19, 2009 by hudsonhongo
Posted in Humor, Playlists | 2 Comments »
November 11, 2009 by hudsonhongo
Originally appeared on The Morning News
It’s a real surprise to be on stage here tonight, and I’d love to be able to tell all of you how much of an honor this is, but the truth is that I cannot accept this award. I cannot accept this award with so many equally deserving others out there doing good deeds more significant than my own. Most importantly perhaps, I cannot accept this award because I am not Danny Boyle and I did not direct Slumdog Millionaire. Continue Reading »
Posted in Humor | 1 Comment »
October 22, 2009 by hudsonhongo
Originally appeared on The Bygone Bureau
I’ll begin by saying that I’m glad to see so many of you here today. I may not have been as kind or as loyal or as sexually exclusive as I could have been to all of you, and still you’ve come in my time of need. Many of you must have been quite shocked to learn that someone like me has cancer, someone who still looks as muscular and vital as on the day you last gave him birthday money or a loan or a bed to sleep in. Afterward you probably contemplated on how old you’ve become since then, how flabby and gray you look in the reflection of the 8 by 10 color glossy I enclosed with the letters. Continue Reading »
Posted in Humor | 2 Comments »
October 9, 2009 by hudsonhongo
She’s left a magazine open for me next to my toast and coffee. It says that they were wrong, that the oldest human skeleton wasn’t, that they have found one older and everything is different. Finishing my mug I feel my hands shaking, even though the coffee is no colder than usual, and the toast isn’t either, it’s nearly warm. Continue Reading »
Posted in Fiction | Tagged Flash Fiction | 3 Comments »
September 26, 2009 by hudsonhongo
Originally appeared on The Bygone Bureau
I know what you’re thinking, a guy like me (go ahead, you can say it, a little guy) he couldn’t crush much of anything, hell, he’d be lucky to crush ice on a hot day. That’s okay though, because knowing what you’re thinking is the first step to crushing you. A novice like yourself might start with the toes or even the fingers when you’re looking to put the squash on somebody, but I’ll let you in on a little secret; the brain isn’t just the largest muscle in the body, it’s also the easiest to crush. Why am I telling you this? I’m telling you this so you know that I could crush you, if I wanted. Continue Reading »
Posted in Humor | Leave a Comment »
September 23, 2009 by hudsonhongo
I am Scud, I am squid, the asteroid so large
That places like Texas needed a name.
Divinely commissioned for a reprising purpose;
The Greeks are the ones
Who best knew my acts.
If there’s luck anymore I’ll crash slack in the sea,
Fall drunkenly like a kite without string,
Where I’ll settle with other wet angry things
To be loved by the ologist
Through glass inches, at last.
Posted in Poems | Leave a Comment »
September 23, 2009 by hudsonhongo
Edelweiss Cafe, Grill Room, 1915
I can hear that river swell
No matter how hot I keep the grill;
I swear it roars over the soft goddamns
Out cracked mug grins
That the diners flash so quick.
One day that creek will rise ten feet,
Come like Austin’s rig
In reverse instead of drive,
And the Keno gals’ hair
Won’t seem so blue
Floating from the wrinkled heads
Of the losingest mermaids alive.
I can already see them spinning loose,
Weightless like the place was flipped,
And as they turn with knives and plates
I howl without a noise.
Posted in Poems | Leave a Comment »
May 11, 2009 by hudsonhongo
Originally appeared on The Bygone Bureau
Subject: Joey R.
Complaint: Joey was brought in by his siblings who expressed concern regarding the patient’s withdrawn state. Deedee R. (brother): “He doesn’t want even wanna walk around with [me] or go down to the basement anymore. All he seems interested in is sniffing glue, saying it’s ’something to do.’”
Diagnosis/Treatment: “Lanky” body type, difficulty with language and diminished responsiveness all support diagnosis of profound developmental disability related to XYY syndrome. We advocate a program of chronic care management that includes social skills, speech and occupational therapy, with light assembly work recommended as the most likely avenue to financial independence. Continue Reading »
Posted in Humor | 2 Comments »
